I know, I’m a week late on this topic which isn’t supposed to be good for bloggers. Timeliness online is critical – but the realization only hit me this morning so what the hell.
I was up early, like 4:30am early, and contemplating my life. I do that so often it’s a defining part of my personality. I guess Socrates’ quote of the unexamined life is at least true for me. I’ve been struggling with depression this last year and this morning I started out with those questions. We’ve all had them; what am I doing, why am I doing it, is this all there is? When I find myself drowning in those thoughts I turn to prayer and meditation. I meditated a long time this morning on acceptance, peace, love. All those amazing attributes that I find lift myself up. After awhile I headed downstairs to make coffee and breakfast. My mind still swirling with thoughts from my time with God and they weren’t necessarily more positive yet.
This is the time where I need to get a little metaphysical and risk opinions. See, God to me is the process by which life functions. God isn’t a “he” or a “she” to me, God just IS. God is process, God is law. I also believe that all of existence has God in it. I am expression of God, the rock is an expression of God, the stream, the bird, the bacteria….everything is a unique expression of God. So at my base level I am God expressing as Jennie, the single mother of 35 living and working in NC. I also believe that God doesn’t pass judgment, God allows consequences. If A, B, C happen well then God (natural law) means D will be the consequence. And of course this is horribly simplified because God is way bigger than anything I can begin to truly understand.
Ok now with that background my thoughts as I’m making coffee went something like this:
God is timeless, there is no time. Everything happens through Divine order and as such is perfect. God is the process of life, the how and why of all things. God allows every form of creation to express through Love. My deepest self is also part of that process, God, and so I am timeless. Each moment is as it should be always which means I am always given what I need/want/ask for in a certain sense – right about then I began to pour my coffee. That’s when this powerful perspective of Thanksgiving hit. The coffee is an expression of God. God allowed the coffee to be created, and travel to my home so I could drink it. And I really love coffee….Wow, Thank you God for the coffee!
That beautiful and simple reminder this morning, which of course also was a gift allowed by God, was magnificent. I was thankful for my bowl and hot water. I was thankful for the stove and spoons and electricity. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for everything. God, thank you for allowing my expression of you as Jennie, the single mother of 35 living in NC. 🙂 Cause you know what, Jennie is pretty cool. And I’m honored to be expressing God in this way, as me.
I hope that all of you have similar moments of gratitude in your life. That they come often and last long. What a wonderful experience.